Because I am one to read far too much into things, seeing the recent behind-the-scenes pics of Jensen with very short hair (I think the last time it was this short was back in season 3?) gives me feelings about Dean’s mental and emotional state. Because Dean has always kept his hair quite short but then of course let it grow as a demon, suggestive of a sort of rebellion against his reasons for having kept it short before. So I cannot help but feel as though having gone to an extreme is very suggestive of Dean not only trying to reconnect with or reassert his former identity but also trying to emotionally distance himself from the demonic being he became. Dean’s not one who is able to move on from his perceived (and actual) transgressions easily, if at all, he buries it as deep as he can, and so this much shorter style might be an attempt on his part to physically put a distance between himself and the monster he became in the hope that psychologically he might manage to do the same. Because how could there be any hope of blocking out your demonic past if every time you look into a mirror all you can see is the monster you were who exemplified everything you hate?
the season 10 preview has been released (x) and there’s a lot of talk that Hannah is falling in love with Cas. That’s a valid interpretation but it’s not what I felt when watching it
The above gifs were the intro to the Castiel part of the preview. Executive Producer Robert Singer points out that Cas is part of the family story-line but I don’t think he meant the Team Free Will family, I think he meant they’ll be exploring his relationships with his angel family
There’s one particular line that’s being used to support the romance argument:
"[Hannah] finds herself caring for Cas in a way that’s not particularly angelic" - Robert Singer
but this made me think of On the Head of a Pin 4.16
Castiel: They feel I’ve begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt.
It’s unangelic to have any emotions. So far Hannah has been like the Cas we saw in season 4, a good little soldier who follows the rules of heaven. That Cas turned in Anna, knowing she’d be tortured, because those were the rules. But once Cas started feeling human emotions he started breaking the rules to save others from suffering
A good angel would mourn that her brother was dying but wouldn’t break heaven’s rules to save him. But if Hannah is starting to feel human-like sisterly emotions then she’d do whatever she could to make sure her brother lives. If that happens then Hannah and Cas would be a parallel of Dean and Sam, and we know that this show loves to do parallels
There’s only 40 seconds of Cas/Hannah footage in the preview and that’s not a lot to go on. I think it’s too early to assume they’re going with an angelic incest story-line, especially since the producer made a point of saying that Cas’ story-line this season would be “very much about family”
Celebrating Supernatural -
23 Day Countdown Challenge
Day 20 - Episode 4
Theme - Dean Winchester's Journal
Charlie died today.
Zeke brought her back. She chose to leave. And my life is a really bad joke.
But it’s for the best, right? Now she’s getting that adventure she was looking for. It was the right choice for her to make for herself. Especially because all the lions and tigers and bears out there ain’t half as dangerous as sticking around here. Out there.. she has a much better chance of not ending up dead because of me. Again.
Also today, I figured out that I’m delusional because I’m the only one who thinks the bunker is our home. Sam says that this where we work, like we’re friggin business partners, not family living under the same roof. He looked me in the eyes and told me that he doesn’t know what a home is, that he never got to have what I had with mom and dad. And isn’t that just a sonuvabitch. It’s one thing trying to convince someone that it’s okay to let go and to settle down for a minute. It’s another to spend your entire fucking life trying to do everything you can to make that person feel like they have a home. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so fucking hard to give Sam what I had. That’s all I ever wanted for him, and mom was gone and dad was never there, and it was on me. And I was just a freaking kid, but I just thought that if I could be his home, it would be enough. But it’s not. And I failed him. And I destroyed every chance that Sam ever had of building that life for himself. Because I’m selfish. I know that. I didn’t want to be alone.
But here I am anyway - alone. And Sam’s spouting all this bullshit about being happy, but he still can’t even find it in himself to put up a fucking poster? Sometimes, I really wonder how much of the shit Sam says is really him and how much of it is Zeke kissing my ass. Hard to tell because I put that fucking angel in the driver’s seat. I did this. Everything.. I’m just angry and I’m so fucking tired of lying and failing everyone that I care about.
Fucking Cas.. I can’t save everyone. And I try, so goddamned hard. But all I do is screw it up. They all end up dead. And I don’t give a fuck that I have an angel in Sam’s back pocket that swoops in the save the day because it doesn’t change the fact that I keep watching people I love die on me and I’m just fucking dying with them. I’m drowning in my own goddamned choices and feelings and all of this noise inside me is driving me fucking insane. I just.. I just want silence. Calm. That’s all I want. Whatever it takes.
I did this. I got myself here. I gotta clean it up.
Someone once told me that the only way to keep on living, to keep on doing the job, is just to decide to be fine and to do it with a smile, because at least you’re still alive. And that’s what I’m gonna do. I have to. I have to be fine. I have to.
I have to.
Back to Episode 3
5x04 "The End"Season 10 "Sneak Peek"
I have seen lots and lots of pretty gifsets of this scene of Cas (and his knee) in the bed on my dash, but I have not seen this one done before, which might very well be, because it’s just my crazy brain making this connection…
But the moment I watched this scene the very first thing that came to my mind was “The End” and Dean waking up in 2014. From the bed to the dirty walls to the way the shot was executed. It all felt familiar.
Those are just the visual aspects, but then I couldn’t help but wonder about the significance of the episode title of 5x04 “The End” and us meeting Cas for the very first time completely human in said episode.
And now - 5 seasons later - in 2014 we have Cas at his “end”, his grace burning out (close to human and powerless) and him seemingly okay with dying. Hopeless and resigned, but in a very different way than his endverse version (but I guess you could say it’s what this Cas could grow into if he somehow survived - I will never stop beliving that Cas cannot die, because he already grew a soul).
Still - and even though he keeps his distance to Sam and Dean (who is not just a shadow of the person he used to be, but in Jungian terminology truly his shadow self), early on Misha hinted at Cas giving up his grace to save Dean from demonhood. So in a way it reminds me of how 2014!Cas willingly went into battle with Dean to kill Lucifer (and not making it out alive).
Guess it remains to be seen if together they can succeed where they failed in the alternate version of 2014 and take down the new Lucifer, who tries to emphasize so hard that Dean’s just his “best friend” and not “his pet”…
♫ All your love is lost on me.
What's the matter with you, baby ♫
SPN10 Countdown Challenge | day 20
[4/23] Spells, Curses & Ganking - 8x04 Bitten
Lets go take a howl at that moon.
This episode has haunted me from the first time I saw it. The eerie but all too realistic way friendships and love fall apart in the face of obstacles, particularly when it is the internal struggle that causes the external conflict, yeah, Bitten blew me out of the water.
The process of Dean’s transformation into a demon a year and a half later only makes me fangirl over this episode all the harder. Particularly in light of the gifset above and even more so -as neven-ebrez so rightly tagged it in this post, the single most stunning shot of foreshadowing- Dean looking into the mirror and the black shadow moving across his eyes reflecting the state of his increasingly corrupted soul.
Whether these shots of Dean were callbacks to this moment in Bitten, or whether the shot of Kate was a piece of incredibly well-planned foreshadowing I will leave to your judgment of Carver’s skills as a showrunner. Fact remains that the parallels between the two are brilliant no matter which way you look at it.
Kate panics in the first gif, knowing life as she knew it is over. Bitten by a werewolf, her very nature will change, has changed. She almost cries, looking down, not able to look at herself. What we the audience are left with is the shattered reflection of herself. An image of a fractured identity symbolised outwardly by the bite mark in the second gif. The werewolf bite has changed her at a fundamental level, yet parts of her character are still the same. As a human, she probably would have never killed, but the wolf in her allows her to take revenge, to act at a primal level. A course of action she chooses in the last gif as she visibly and disconcertingly calms down. Filming herself in the mirror, we are presented with a face once again aligned, but the wounds have left their mark. The cracks in the mirror symbolise the scars that will never disappear. Kate is still Kate, but different.
We are also left with an inverse image of who she used to be. Her good traits have not vanished. She chooses to live off animal hearts and vows the Winchesters will never have cause to hunt her down. She is not entirely werewolf, not entirely human. She won’t just howl at the moon, because the characteristics of kindness and wanting to change the world have not entirely vanished. Her characteristics have simply shifted in dominance. And Sam and Dean let her go.
In the contrasting gifset, Dean is shown with water running down his face as if they were tears, yet he isn’t crying. A fogged over mirror obscures his vision of himself. Guilt and grief having blurred his perception of reality. The mark of Cain in the second gif symbolises that which is altering inside him. And in the final gif, like Kate, he gives himself clarity by wiping the mirror clean. However, to us, the image remains slightly distorted. Dean yet not quite Dean.
The rest of the season slowly changes him into the snarling thing in Stairway to Heaven. His less prominent characteristics become more visible as his dominant ones move to the background. It is a process which ended at the end of season 9 as he became a demon who in behaviour, as we have seen in the promos, is the mirror image of his human set of characteristics.
Dean was protective before in order save lives and if that gratitude became a one-night stand, then awesome. The season 10 promos suggest, however, that he is protective now in order to have that one night stand/intense fling. Same characteristics, different focus. It is not that he has completely changed. It is simply that dominant and latent traits have switched in importance. Like Kate, Dean is still Dean, just different.
And as surely as Kate turned on her maker, so Dean will turn on his. Crowley has never underestimated human Dean and it has been key to his survival, but maybe demon!Dean will prove his undoing.
Lets go take a howl at that moon.
Celebrating Supernatural -
23 Day Countdown Challenge
Day 21 - Episode 3
Theme - Dean Winchester's Journal
Cas died today.
Zeke brought him back. And I brought him home.
You know, it’s still weird after all these years to have a place that we can call home. I mean, we always had Bobby’s, but it was his. The bunker – we’ve kinda just made it our own. And I’ve been reluctant to call it “home” outloud because, if I do that, it’s like it’s easier for someone to take it away from me. Just makes it too damn real. But there’s just no denying that’s what it is. I realized that today. Cas was standing at my desk, holding the picture of my mom and smiling like an idiot, and I just.. This is gonna make me sound like a fucking sap but, it just felt right. Like the idea of a home and a whole family that I haven’t had since I was kid was real and it was mine. And for a while there, all that noise, all that screaming, everything inside me just trying to crawl out – it was silent. Happiness almost seemed like an option. Or at least as happy as Winchesters get.
But just like that, it was gone.
Fucking Zeke, he made me choose. Him or Cas. Sam or Cas. That was my choice. No explanation. Nothing. Just a choice.
And how the hell do I make a choice like that? What the hell was I supposed to do? Zeke leaves, Sam dies. That’s it. Cas leaves.. he could survive, he could live. He has the chance to start a real life. To.. I don’t know, meet someone
else, to be happy. And that’s enough for me.
So Zeke gets his way. Sammy lives. I keep lying. And I turn away my best friend. I mean, yeah, I could have told him the truth. He would have understood, he would have tried to help. But that’s the thing. Every time he tries to help me, Cas ends up dead. And I just can’t take that chance anymore. I’d rather keep on knowing he’s alive and doing his thing, than watch him die again. I just can’t.
So I’ll lie, I’ll live with the guilt, and I’ll let Cas go so he and Sam both can keep living. Because I can’t live in a world where they just don’t exist anymore. I won’t.
And Cas, that dumb sonuvabitch. He just looked at me and said he understood. He understood that I would always choose protecting my brother over him. He doesn’t get that sending him away was the last fucking thing I ever wanted to do. Not after spending months of practically begging him to stay. He doesn’t get that I’m poison, that I’m cancer, and being here, being with me, is just going to eat him alive.
I made the right choice.
I saved both their lives. They don’t never need to know it. Or what it cost me.
Back to Episode 2
have we ever known Cas to just lie down and wait to die? even when all hope seemed lost, even when he didn’t want to live, he soldiered on trying to help whomever he could. Cas would walk himself into the ground to save humanity, he would give anything to lead the angels to free will, and yet we see him living in an apartment or cabin some place, lying in bed during the day and not bothering to get dressed. if Cas was just weak or dying, he would be in heaven trying to sort things out or out among humanity trying to help. he would be trying to find a solution to save himself.
no, Cas lost his reason for living, his will to carry on. Cas lost the only thing he truly needed, and he’s not just dying, he’s heartbroken.
Cas is depressed. Cas is in mourning.
Holly!!! Now that you pointed out that Cas has hunter plaid on the right side of his bed, all I can think of for Dean's sheets is how they are trenchcoat brown on his left!!!!
And today marks the day when I started shipping Dean’s blanket with Cas’ blanket.
Also while I’m here :P does Cas have two pillows on his bed? Like one directly UNDER the plaid blanket? This just keeps getting better and better…